


The Barbaric Book

by katychan666



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Bickering husbands, Fluff, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 04:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19201771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Crowley catches Aziraphale with the most outrageous book he'd ever seen - How to grow your plants with love and care. While Aziraphale wants to introduce kinder approach to Crowley's plants, the demon isn't having any of it; for his plants shall not be introduced to such barbaric ways of growing!





	The Barbaric Book

Aziraphale was happily nestled in his favourite couch, all huddled up, reading a book with a nice cup of tea. What a perfect way to spend one's afternoon, no distractions; just him, the tea and a book – how lovely. But having a demon as your life companion meant that one's peace couldn't last for a long time, so the angel was trying to make the best out of it while it lasted. And wouldn't you know it, just a few minutes later he felt something moving at the back of the couch, slowly slithering down on top of his head and he sighed, slowly looking up. It wasn't like he needed to make sure who was there; it was Crowley, of course it was Crowley, now hanging out on top of his head in his snake form and Aziraphale clicked with his tongue, but then smiled nonetheless.

 

''Yes, Crowley?'' asked the angel politely, the serpent hissing as it slowly moved onto his shoulder as he wanted to take a closer look at whatever was keeping his angel from paying attention to him. Crowley was quite the high maintenance kind of a demon. Sometimes it annoyed the hell out of Aziraphale, but then in a moment like this it just made him, well... chuckle. For a demon, Crowley had a surprising cute side, especially when he got bored and would whine for attention.

 

Crowley let out another unamused hiss when he saw what was keeping the Angel so busy and he slowly moved his head closer to the book, making it impossible for Aziraphale to keep on reading and in the end he just rolled his eyes and watched Crowley move down onto the other side of the couch. As the angel arched an eyebrow, the demon was back in his usual form and he then let out a very exaggerated, over the top sigh and in the end just ended up laying his head on top of Aziraphale's legs and took the book away from him.

 

''Crowley, wait, no give it back. You-''

 

‘’So you’re rather reading this than paying attention to me, is it?’’ asked Crowley with a loud, whiny voice. ''What is this rubbish?'' asked Crowley as he was turning the book around in his hands and the angel had to chuckle.

 

''Well, I do believe it's called a book, Crowley,'' said Aziraphale and Crowley stopped for a minute or so, giving the other one a very not amused look and he then just stuck his tongue out. ''It wouldn't do you any harm if you read one once in a while,'' he carried on and attempted to take the book away from the demon, but it wasn't working as just as Aziraphale was about to snatch it away from his hands, Crowley moved it away.

 

''I'm a demon, I don't... read,'' said Crowley and shuddered. Just that word... reading. Well, in his existence Crowley had seen many different books even if he didn't read them, but none of them had such an outrageous title as this one and he just wrinkled his nose. ''What kind of barbaric literature is this, Angel?'' asked Crowley and Aziraphale tried not to laugh. ''How to grow your plants with love and care?'' asked Crowley and now that he read the title out loud it made his skin crawl. It sounded so wrong, but Aziraphale only snatched the book from him and started chuckling softly. ''Hey, you will not read this. It'll corrupt you,'' whined the demon.

 

''Oh, do hush,'' said Aziraphale and opened the book again and watched the very disturbed look on the demon's face. Crowley was now again looking up at the angel, still laying his head in his lap and then he only crossed his arms on top of his chest. He will not be told 'hush'! ''And now you're pouting,'' accused him Aziraphale, Crowley giving him an offended look.

 

''I am not,'' said Crowley and continued sulking for quite a while right there on that couch.

 

“Look, it says here you have to talk to your plants, Crowley,” said Aziraphale as he continued to read that book and Crowley narrowed his eyes.

 

“I talk to my plants,” said Crowley and Aziraphale shuddered. He had seen the demon handling the poor plants with his own eyes and that was why he was with that book at the moment. He wanted to teach the demon that there was a right and wrong way of caring for your plants. And Crowley’s way were… Aziraphale’s angel heart wept for those poor things. Luckily, he could be quite persuasive when it came to the demon and maybe he could change his mind. Somehow.

 

“You threaten them,” said Aziraphale and Crowley rolled his eyes.

 

“Well that’s quite subjective, isn’t it?” asked Crowley. “For you it might be that, but for me it’s more like… a character building,” said the demon proudly and Aziraphale clicked with his tongue.

 

“It is important to express your love to your plants as they’re living creatures as well. They can sense negative energy around them. This is why it’s very important to create a loving and calm environment for them. Talk to them when you water them, singing helps too,” was reading Aziraphale. As he was again completely consumed into the book, he let his other hand slowly fall down on top of Crowley’s head and he gently entangled his fingers into the demon’s hair, gently ruffling his hair as he read along. “If you follow all of these steps your plants will grow faster and will look healthier.”

 

Crowley was again rolling his eyes, but the angel’s fingers in his hair kept him calm. For the time being.

 

“See, if you follow these steps, you plants will-”

 

“Oh, no, no, no,” said Crowley and Aziraphale put down the book again. “I will not allow my plants to be subjected to such barbaric ways,” exclaimed out Crowley. “Singing? This book wants me to sing to the plants?”

 

“Maybe play some classical music in the background. Mozart would be just lovely and-”

 

“Have you gone completely mad?” asked Crowley with a completely serious face and then took the book from Aziraphale, who was frowning. Crowley knew that the angel would never lie to him, but he still had to see it with his own two eyes to believe it. And that really was written right there, black on white and he just shuddered. “This monstrosity deserves to be burned,” said Crowley and happily made the book slowly burn into ashes in his hands and he then dusted his clothes, rubbing his palms together – he felt immediately better. But then he looked down and saw his angel looking rather… sad. “What?”

 

“You burned my book,” said Aziraphale sadly and bowed his head down.

 

“In my defence – it deserved it.”

 

“You burned it,” said Aziraphale sadly and then withdrew his hand away from Crowley’s hair and just spent some time feeling sorry for himself as he couldn’t even bare to look at the demon for the time being.

 

It was funny how fast guilt came in place and Crowley quickly lifted up. Ah, shit, he didn’t mean to make Aziraphale feel sad and now he felt like a piece of shit. Okay, maybe that was kind of uncalled for, but in his defence… wait, did the angel go out of his way to read that book only for him? Oh, great, that really helped the whole guilt thing and Crowley spent quite a few minutes at first yelling at each other for acting so foolishly. Silence fell between them and Crowley clicked with his tongue.

 

“I’m sorry, okay?”

 

“Sorry won’t cut it this time,” said Aziraphale and was just looking away from him.

 

Crowley rolled his eyes and then sighed; it was ridiculous just what an impact the angel had on him, it wasn’t even funny even more. As a demon, Crowley should have been merciless, but just a soft or sad look from the Angel and all of that tough exterior melted away. Just for Aziraphale Crowley really was a big softie on the inside and he huffed and puffed. “Oh, alright,” said Crowley and the book was back, as good as new and he gentle tapped the angel’s shoulder and handed him the book. Aziraphale slowly turned around and cocked his head to the side – Crowley fixed it?

 

“What-“

 

“I suppose that was a bit insensitive even for me,” said Crowley, the angel going through the book to see if the demon wasn’t lying and in the end he only nodded. “Consider this little miracle as an apology?” asked Crowley.

 

Aziraphale had a little, tiny smile on his face. Oh, so someone really was feeling guilty. That would still amuse the angel from time to time. “Okay, apology accepted,” said Aziraphale as he wasn’t one to hold grudges, but Crowley still didn’t feel right. It felt like he should do more for his angel, so he leaned closer and already despised himself for what he was about to do.

 

“So, um, how exactly would I have to speak with my plants? What does the book say again?”

 

Aziraphale’s jaw dropped and he then looked at Crowley, who was now awkwardly looking at the book. The angel only chuckled and started explaining it again all over to Crowley, who still didn’t condone the book’s ways, but… maybe it was worth it. The Angel was cute when he was reading, so he gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, which left Aziraphale flustered for many minutes to come!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank yoy for reading  
> Leave a comment if you liked it


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